After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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