Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
