If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize