Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
