i need an iv and a liver transplant
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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