my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I had to cum in my sink.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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