yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
