i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
