He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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