Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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