you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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