Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
