jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i think my cat just said my name.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
