Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
