I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
