Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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