i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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