Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
