Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
