my vag is so smooth its legendary
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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