i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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