Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
