he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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