These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm at about main and main street
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
