Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
As shirtless as possible
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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