Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
