He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize