Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
