honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
