where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
