i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
