I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
