You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
