I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
