Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
