Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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