I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
