The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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