i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
