Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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