I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
