If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
