I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
