tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
