New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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