it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
