You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
