i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
