So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize