I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
