My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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