sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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