Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
