I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
