Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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