Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
