Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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