Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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