...so i touched it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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