he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
