Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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