Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
