I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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