The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
