Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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