OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize