well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize