I just made out with a guy for $7.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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