Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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