Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize