well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
