i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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